AARON CARTER – SHAQ REALLY BEAT

From the very beginning of time there were a lot of great sports puzzles that left us scratching our heads. Where did James Earl Jones go at the end of the dream field? Did Manti Te’o really leave? What happened to the white suit of Ray Lewis? Although I have my theories on all of the above (and one includes a box of matches and a stainless steel trash can), there is one mystery that stands above the rest in sports knowledge: how did Aaron Carter really beat Shaka in basketball?

In 2001, the world changed forever, when music and sports collided in the form of a 13-year-old studio knock (if one may so express it) about how he did the unbelievable – beat Shaquille O’Neill one-on-one. Now scientists say that Aaron Carter, the younger brother of the sensation “Backstreet Boy” Nick Carter, was thrilled in his portrayal of the epic basketball game since the end of Space Jam, but I’ll take Aaron’s words at face value. Let’s analyze the lyrics of “That’s How I Beat Shaq” to understand how young A.C. really really won one of the greatest centers in the history of the NBA.

Our first clue comes in verse, when Aaron gives us a little understanding of his mental game. Evaluating the situation and agreeing to play one-on-one, Aaron uses a classic intimidation technique to get Shaq to shake in his shoes size 23. According to Mr. Carter, “He stared at Shake after listening to him – which means that Aaron looked closely on the big NBA star long enough to make Shaka mentally uncomfortable. Then, in a brilliant display of garbage, Aaron asserts to Shak that he actually has an advantage over the house and that Shak should be very scared right now. Genius. Pure genius.

The next look at Aaron’s triumph comes in verse two. Just as the game goes out of control, and Shak “clogs the insane points” on our protagonist, Aaron digs deep in the archives of the school ball and uses the art of the wrong direction. I understand that all this seems to us basic, but I need to recall that we are talking about the younger brother of Nick Carter here? In a cunning move, Aaron points to the loose lace of Shack, forcing the hippo to look down long enough for Aaron to miss the ball and take it the other way. A few times later, and Aaron returned to the game!

In the last verse of the greatest sport song, as they stopped releasing Jock Jams albums, Aaron paints a picture of despair. Down by two points, Aaron tosses a prayer. The crowd waits in anticipation. Just like Jordan in his game with the flu, Carter is a clutch, a sinking shot that turns out to be a nail in the coffin. Shaq cries openly when the crowd growls for his young hero. A small child, the height of Muggsy Bogues, had just beaten a 7-foot Shaquille O’Neill. Kobe Bryant does not know this yet, but this song will be his anthem later in life.

So that’s how Aaron Carter really beat Shaka. It just shows that with little creativity and some old school cunning, you too can best use your sworn feud in any arena. All you need is a sick rhythm and an amazing section of applause. Not to mention the lyrics with insane skill. And to think, it was all for the love of Hillary Duff. Who wants to watch the movie “Lizzie McGuire”? Anyone? Bueller?